I Lived For You
by acochran5
Summary: Natsu works as an operator on a hotline for troubled individuals. He is shook when he gets a call from a person about to commit suicide after murdering someone. "I lived for you." "It's too bad... so did I." (warnings inside) COMPLETE


**A/N I really hope you enjoy, reviews are appreciated.**

**WARNINGS: This story revolves around SUICIDE so if you are uncomfortale with this, please don't read it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fairytail, Fairytail belongs to Hiro Mashima!**

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*_Ring ring ring*_

Natsu yawned tiredly and picked up the phone. It was nearly the end of his shift and for that he was grateful. Helping people was wonderful, and he loved feeling useful, but not when he was half-asleep. It wasn't the easiest job, but it'd look good on his high school transcript. "Hello?" he asked.

"H-hi, who is this?"

"My name's Natsu." He said.

There was a pause on the other end. "Do… I don't have to tell you my name, do I?"

"No, you don't have to tell me your name." Natsu said.

"I have the right phone number, right?"

"It depends I suppose. Why are you calling?" he asked gently.

"I… I guess it's because, I want to kill myself right now."

"Then you have the right number." Suicide wasn't something he often dealt with, usually it was drugs or alcohol or something, but it wasn't unheard of to get someone wanting to commit suicide. "Why do you want to kill yourself?" another pause, so long Natsu thought he might've hung up.

"I just… I don't know. It's because of a lot of reasons I guess. But the main reason happened today." The caller took a deep breath, " So, I was on campus this morning—."

"You're a student."

"Yeah I just started college." He said softly. "I'm eighteen now."

"Yeah? And what happened on campus today?"

"There was this girl. And I really like her, but she doesn't even notice me." Natsu waited for him to continue and after a moment he did. "She's really pretty and she's kind and sweet."

"Why can't you just talk to her?"

"Well, I never did before because she would never like me. And I can't do it now because… well, because she died this afternoon."

Natsu felt his mouth run a little dry. That certainly was shocking news. "Why… I mean how… I mean, I'm so sorry…?"

A pause and then light sobs. "They… nobody knows about it yet. Only I know." Natsu had a sinking feeling in his gut. "How do you know?"

"Because I killed her!" Natsu brought the phone away from his ear a little at the loud shout. "I didn't mean to. I really didn't. It just happened!"

"How did it happen?" Natsu asked softly.

"I… I don't remember really. It was so fast! I was watching her leave school with her friends and when they disappeared around the corner, I followed them."

"On foot?"

"In my car. I was driving for a while and I swear I didn't see that stupid, tiny dog so I swerved at the last minute and I…" more sobs. Natsu could guess what had happened. "B-by then she'd already cut off from her friends and she was walking down some side street."

"Where is she now?"

"I-in my trunk."

"So, you're confessing to a murder."

"A huh…" another pause and then, "But I didn't mean to I swear. I didn't want to run her over I love her and I want to torture myself to death!"

"Where are you now?"

"I'm at my house. I'm going to slit my wrists and drain them in the bathtub. I saw it on TV. It seemed like the most painful way to die, so I chose it."

"Have you already done it?"

"No, I haven't. I wanted to tell someone about what I did and why I'm killing myself first."

"You're killing yourself because you killed a woman."

"That's only one reason, but yes."

"Why else are you doing it?"

"Because my life doesn't matter. It's not as if anyone will miss me."

"What about your mom and dad?"

"They died when I was young and left me and my brother to fend for ourselves."

"Well then what about your brother?"

"I… I guess he's one person. But—."

I cut him off, "Good, then why don't you tell me where you live and we can fix all of this."

"NO!" he shouted and paused then said, "What do you take me for, a stupid idiot? If I tell you where I live you're going to have another phone in your right hand with the police, sending them over to where I live while you talk to me on the other end, pretending you care, just so you can stall me long enough for the police to arrive and make me spend the rest of my useless life in prison!"

"I don't see why it matters." Natsu said. "If you feel your life is useless then why do you care whether you're thrown in prison?"

"I care because I could never do that to my little brother." The person on the other end said. "I could never make him live being scorned by others for my mistake!"

"What about when people find the body?"

"Oh that? I buried it already." Natsu frowned. This guy was strange. He claimed to love the girl he killed and yet he was already referring to her as an 'it'.

"I thought you said she was in your trunk…"

"Oh right, well I've buried it now."

"In your bathroom?"

"No, in someone's backyard."

"You're going to frame someone for a murder you committed."

"I don't know, maybe. There's only a body in their backyard, I'm not trying to frame anyone but if that's what happens there's nothing I can do about it because hopefully I'll be dead in about ten minutes."

"Please, just stop and turn yourself in. You don't have to die, there are other ways to repent."

Silence on the other end. "I can't. I won't. I loved her… I love him, my brother, and I hate myself."

"There are people that would be willing to help you, just like I am, I promise. You don't have to die."

"You're right, I don't have to die, I don't have to turn myself in either." His voice was so quiet, and he was so confusing. At the beginning of their conversation he'd been so meek and hysterical and now there was only malice. "I could live my life, pretending everything's okay, and that I'm perfectly fine and that I haven't murdered an innocent girl." Another pause. "Now tell me," he practically purred, "Would you rather me kill myself, or would you rather live in this world with one more murderer who's murdered once and can do it again."

Natsu opened his mouth to respond and then closed it when he realized he didn't have an answer. "I know what you want, Natsu. You want me to die, to atone for my crimes, it's what everyone would want, I'm better off that way. But, before I go, I want you to know who I am." Natsu frowned and waited, his nerves on edge.

"Really? But what if I go off and tell the police about you. What about your little brother. Isn't that why you're doing this instead of turning yourself in. You don't want him to get mixed up in all this. But if you tell me, I could go and tell them."

"You won't." the caller responded. Natsu frowned.

"How do you know?"

"I just know." He said. "I'm glad I'm talking to you, Natsu, because I wouldn't have revealed my identity had anyone else picked up. I suppose a fate really does exist."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." There was a pause and then another voice came on the line, but it sounded much different than the voice before. Natsu's eyebrows furrowed. "Hey, Natsu." The voice whispered. "It's me."

"Z-Zeref? Why are you calling?" had the other caller hung up? "I've been here for a while, talking to you." No. "I'm the person who you've been talking to, and I'm the one who killed her. Mavis."

"No, you didn't. Zeref, don't play games."

"I'm not. Natsu, I want you to know that I love you and I want you to know that I'm sorry and I want you to know I never planned for things to end up this way." He seemed to have reverted back to who he was at the beginning of the conversation because more light sobs were coming from him. "But, I am glad I got to tell you in person. I was a little surprised when you picked up the phone, but pleasantly so. You'll find a note on my dresser but I suppose you won't need to read it anymore for all that I've just said is on that note."

"Zeref… have you been having these thoughts for a while?"

"Yeah, I have. I'm sorry, so sorry… but, I want to thank you to and curse you at the same time. You were the reason I'm still here and I both love and hate you for that…"

"Zeref, you don't have to kill yourself. I can help you."

Natsu could imagine the petulant smile on Zeref's face. "No, you can't, but it makes me happy you would've tried. And after everything we've been through together I thought you at least deserved this much. Because the honest truth is… I lived for you…"

"Zeref—."

"Goodbye." The line went dead and Natsu's hand trembled slightly. This would be the moment when someone walked in and said, "you look like you've just seen a ghost" but it wasn't what he saw it was what he heard. And it wasn't a ghost, it was death knocking at his door.

He was almost sickened when he put the phone down and packed up his stuff, got in his car and drove home, like everything was almost okay, begging fate that it wasn't true. That Zeref was just being crueler than normal, that he would walk in and Zeref would say, "just kidding" and Natsu would try and fail to beat him up and he would go to bed, the next morning waking up to Zeref's annoying voice as his alarm clock and it would be like this moment was just a nightmare. He pulled into the drive way and got out of his car, making sure to lock it.

The door opened with a creek and Natsu slid the backpack off his shoulders, letting it thud to the ground. "I'm home." He said softly and closed the door behind him.

Natsu's heart pounded as he walked towards the bathroom door. He opened it slowly, his entire body trembling. All he could do was close his eyes and close the door after, sliding down until he was on the floor, his knees to his chest. All he'd seen was a thin trail of blood and a pale hand hanging out of the bathtub but it was enough to make his heart stop.

Was it right that he was wishing Zeref was still here? Was it right he was wishing they could cover up the murder together and live on as normal? Was it right that he would be an accomplice in a murder just to be with his brother? No, it wasn't right, but that didn't stop him from wanting it.

Numbly Natsu went back to his bag and ruffled through his many things until he saw it, something black, and shiny and kind of heavy to. Trembling hands shoved one bullet in and then cocked the gun back into place. Natsu shakily pulled back the hammer and placed the barrel on his temple.

_I lived for you._

"It's too bad… so did I."

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**A/N Why do I do this to myself? I was seriously sobbing by the time I was done. It just broke my heart. Anyway, I don't know why I came up with this, I was just remembering a story I read earlier on suicide and then I remembered a show I'd watched with a hotline like this and boom, this was made. I hope you enjoyed it because it was filled with very raw emotion from me. I don't write a lot about suicide because it's too sad and the emotions behind it are really hard to get into, especially for me because I try to generally be a happy person, and dark thoughts like ones about suicide don't often cross my mind. It was difficult to make, but I just went with the flow and it would make me really happy if you could tell me your thoughts on this. So, I love reviews, and it would make me so happy if you could tell me your thoughts. (also, I know I shouldn't be making new stories and I should be trying to finish the ones I'm almost done with, but I couldn't help it! This would NOT leave me alone! I don't know if I'll have an update this week for my on-going stories but... we can all hope! They will get done though, as soon as I find the right inspiration, I promise!) thanks for reading this, I'll see you guys soon!**

**EDIT: I don't know if you'll ever look at this again, but reply to Guest review (sobbing): As a person, I'm so sorry I made you cry, as a writer though, I'm happy because overall it is my job to make sure this story elicits emotion in my readers. I suppose I've thought about suicide in general a few times in my life, but overall, no I have not thought a lot about suicide. I'm too busy with my life to think about killing ones' self. So, this story is the first time I've ever thought too deeply about it. Regardless, thanks for reviewing, and I am happy the emotion and feelings of the story were able to reach you (even if I feel this isn't my best work).**


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